At Cathedral Rock, I really wanted to find a rock formation that our CouchSurfing host referred to as the “chamber” which apparently creates a beautiful echo when one sings. Considering Saturn’s challenges, I found it fitting to sing in a sacred place for the first time publically, a task very much outside of my comfort zone. I assumed that everyone understood how important it was for me to accomplish this task at this time, so I tried my best to be patient, respect their time, and trust that we would head in the direction of the chamber before sunset. I waited, finding other things to do until I realized everyone was comfortable where they were and the sun was setting. Frustrated as the sky grew too dark and unsafe to make the trip, I recognized the reality that no one can truly understand how important anything is to me. If I want something, I have to make it happen on my own time. To be honest with myself and pay tribute to the feminine energy at Cathedral Rock, it’s the right of others to have preferences different than my own. So, I could choose to go for it by myself or keep waiting on those who can never understand the personal purpose I feel in my own unique heart. This simple fact was upsetting in the moment, but empowering to move forward with. I didn’t need to wait for chaperones. They were not obligated to come with me. I have the option to choose total independence of what others prefer to do and put forth my goals all on my own! Considering the circumstances, I climbed as far as it was safe for me to go alone towards the chamber. Though I never came close to the formation (accepting boundaries), I discovered an extraordinary view of tall red rock and the glowing moon to sing in my gratifying solitude.
Most of the choices I’ve made in my life involved waiting on the feedback and approval of others. Feedback can be valuable and approval has been necessary for much of my life so far, considering authority figures made up the first two decades. I’m grateful for the positive influences I’ve had in my life. Nonetheless, my ability to provide for myself is more than adequate. I am debt-free, have been consistently employed, own a vehicle, and care for my own health. I realize that the advice I have taken from others has helped me create stability in my 20s. The piece that has been missing for most of my life is the thrill of living at the calls of my heart. Getting a grasp on adulthood has me realizing that I know what I need and what fulfills my heart better than everyone. There is no need for me to wait for anyone to put forth my intents. It’s fair to say I’ve been an independent, financially responsible person for about a decade. Therefore, it is acceptable for me to decide for myself what I want and then make it happen. I will move forward in my years with a solid sense of trust in my choices and ability to navigate whatever the universe puts forth.
Regardless of my insecurities for lack of vocal training, I defeated my anxiety for sharing my singing voice with others by publically posting an unedited recording on Instagram for 24 hours without having watched it first. I can’t say I’m totally comfortable about publically exposing my vulnerable moments, but I challenge myself in doing so to become more accepting of myself in order to move toward my goals with less fear of what others think of me. That said, I’ve also posted the video at the end of this blog. What do I really have to lose other than the support of those who don’t dig my vibe anyway? Truth be told, my life is about me and the callings of my soul. While you’re out there figuring out how to do your “thing,” I’ll focus on mine. Whether we relate or not with each other, will only guide us closer to our soul purpose if we listen.
The messages I received on November 19th were ones that have appeared several times in my life, but seemed to make quite a significant appearance on my Saturn return. I’m sure a lot of people encounter similar lessons as they mature. My turn brings me a desire to share the messages I received and my reactions hoping it will inspire others to take on all the pleasant and especially unpleasant aspects of life with a willingness to be vulnerable, work with what you have (not dwelling on what you lack) and move forward with your heart and soul in mind.
Although a tiny fear still exists in me about “failing at life,” I’m tired of living with so much apprehension, knowing I will eventually perish. I consider my life on this planet to be a gift meant for unwrapping. One of my favorite pleasures has always been unwrapping gifts to see the surprises inside!
For those seeking a call to action, think about that one thing you want that never stops haunting you. That thing that makes you want to break down and cry because you are not doing it. Now start figuring out how to have it. Circumstances can’t be an excuse. We are creative, inventive beings. Nothing is impossible, alternatives are never-ending. No matter how much time it takes, if your heart cries for it, its worth the effort to create a path to have it.
If you haven’t read about the first half of my day with Saturn at Bell Rock, see my previous post here.
You can also visit my personal blog and website at www.nenawoo.com.
Written by: Nena Woo